To The Girl Who Thought She’d Never Fall In Love

“So laugh often, and love hard because missing out on love is missing out on something amazing.”

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All of my life I have put my guard up. I have never allowed someone to get any where near my heart. In school I always put my sport before my social life. That also meant keeping a great distance between myself and heart break. Until the age of 24 I was scared I would never find love. I didn’t really know what it felt like. Personally, I had never been the girl to cry over a guy. I was the girl that picked up my chin and moved on to the next one.

Believe me boys and girls, I have been through my fair share of disappointing moments. These include cheating, lying, stealing, and any other form of deceit you could possibly imagine. But through all of it I was able to shrug and laugh through my situations. Even though some of the times had upset me, I hadn’t experienced true heart break. Until now.

Growing up, I watched girls I cared about, go through relationships and heartbreak pretty routinely. Once I got to the age in which I was really able to date, I wasn’t interested in it. I would talk to a guy once in a while to keep my phone busy, but I never really put myself out there. Once I graduated high school I was so sheltered, due to the little interaction I allowed during my younger years.

“I started to think something had to be wrong with me. Maybe I just didn’t have the ability to fall in love.”

After high school I had my share of flings, but no one ever stuck. Until one did. We dated for a little while and then I saw on Facebook he was in a relationship… Not with me, I was shocked, I felt so deceived, but I never felt sad. I couldn’t figure out why. Sadness was expected from me so I had to pretend it was there. I joked about what had happened to me and didn’t find struggle in never talking to him again. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t figure out why I was not heart broken by this but I just wasn’t.

Relationship after relationship, this continued to be the same reaction, EVERY time something like this happened to me. My friends joked that I had no heart. I never cried, I never showed actual sadness because I wasn’t ever actually upset. My mind filled with extreme anger, which just turned to disgust, and I would just move on. I started to think something had to be wrong with me. Maybe I just didn’t have the ability to fall in love. Maybe god didn’t think I deserved love, but this is not the case. It was just because the truth is, I hadn’t found the person in which I was supposed love. Until I was ready to handle it.

“True love is a blessing, and every one deserves to feel it.”

On February 13, 2016, God decided I was ready. He decided I could handle true love and he gave it to me. For this day I could never be more grateful. That night alone encompassed more feelings for me than MONTHS or YEARS with any one else. When I was leaving the coffee shop on the water he took me to, I knew I loved him. My heart felt full, if it had a face it would have been beaming from ear to ear. I knew the moment that he kissed me for the first time, that he was the one. He was the one that was going to thaw out my frozen heart. I loved this man months before I told him. When he accidentally told me he loved me a couple months in, I knew that I was his one as well.

Once you are in love, sometimes heartbreak is inevitable. When you get your heart broken it will ALWAYS hurt. Sometimes so much that you think you will never heal, but you will. True love is a blessing, and every one deserves to feel it. I have learned that if you keep your guard up,  you will avoid heartache from time to time. However, I would rather feel heart break a thousand times over than never experience the feeling of true love. So laugh often, and love hard because missing out on love is missing out on something amazing.

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2 comments

  1. James says:

    “sometimes so much that you think you will never heal, but you will.”
    Love this part. Eventually everything heals, maybe not the way you wanted it to heal, but it does heal!

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